When I got home from work today, Jeff wasted no time in telling me that he had a confession to make. He looked slightly nervous as he proceeded to tell me that I wasn’t going to like what I was about to hear.
Okaaaaay… I said; go on…
Jeff continued; “I was jogging on the treadmill today, and I happened to look out the window overlooking the pool, and a woman with enormous fake boobs was sun tanning – TOPLESS! She was topless, Courtney!”
Apparently, Jeff felt like he did something wrong by staring. He paused to assess my reaction, but all he could see was the back of my head as I made my way up the stairs to change into my nightly uniform of mismatched sweats. When I got back downstairs about 10 minutes later, he continued the conversation.
Jeff: Courtney, do you think she was an exhibitionist? I mean, I think she really wanted people to notice her.
Me: I don’t know, sure.
Jeff: They were like, really big.
Me: Well, she paid good money for those ta tas; she wants to show them off.
Jeff: Ya, you’re probably right.
Me: I am.
Jeff: You know; I would support you if you ever wanted to get a boob job.
Me: Do you want me to get a boob job?
Jeff: No… only if you wanted to.
Me: I don’t understand why guys like fake boobs. They aren’t real! Isn’t part of the appeal knowing these babies are home grown? The real McCoy! Why do you like a balloon filled with water? What’s so hot about that?
Jeff: It just is. It’s awesome.
Me: You’re feeling guilty because you can’t stop thinking about the pool boobs, aren’t you?
From that point on, I changed the subject, and it was like every time I asked Jeff a question, he’d just say “fake boobs” like he was a broken record – to annoy me.
Me: Have you read my latest blog post?
Jeff: Fake boobs.
Me: What’s for dinner?
Jeff: BBQ fake boobs.
Me: You’re being really annoying.
Jeff: You know, now that you’re getting your family used to your dirty blog where you drop the F-bomb and stuff, they’ll probably be alright with your fake boobs.
MAN, he had those torpedo tits on the mutherfucking brain!
My thoughts on augmentation (for me)
Ok, I get that having nice, voluptuous lady lumps looks good. I mean, who doesn’t want perky boobies for life? But when I look at girls like Heidi Montag from MTV’s “The Hills”, all I can think of is that those babies are going to burst like a water bed if too much pressure is applied! They just look uncomfortable and hard as a rock. No thanks!
If I was ever to get a boob job, it would simply be to remove them from my knees after having kids and put them back where they originally sprouted at age 13. But when I think of the pain, I conclude – that’s why they made the Wonder Bra! I’m down with the faux lift!
Right now, Jeff is sleeping on the couch, probably dreaming about those tan line free jugs. But I don’t really care – because I’m bought and paid for. Jeff’s stuck with me and my modest Cs for life.
Suck it up El Jefe!
Have you ever thought about getting a boob job? And if you have already, do you recommend it?! 😉