Look out boys, these babies are gonna BLOW!

When I got home from work today, Jeff wasted no time in telling me that he had a confession to make. He looked slightly nervous as he proceeded to tell me that I wasn’t going to like what I was about to hear.

Okaaaaay… I said; go on…

Jeff continued; “I was jogging on the treadmill today, and I happened to look out the window overlooking the pool, and a woman with enormous fake boobs was sun tanning – TOPLESS! She was topless, Courtney!”

Apparently, Jeff felt like he did something wrong by staring. He paused to assess my reaction, but all he could see was the back of my head as I made my way up the stairs to change into my nightly uniform of mismatched sweats. When I got back downstairs about 10 minutes later, he continued the conversation.

Jeff: Courtney, do you think she was an exhibitionist? I mean, I think she really wanted people to notice her.

Me: I don’t know, sure.

Jeff: They were like, really big.

Me: Well, she paid good money for those ta tas; she wants to show them off.

Jeff: Ya, you’re probably right.

Me: I am.

Jeff: You know; I would support you if you ever wanted to get a boob job.

Me: Do you want me to get a boob job?

Jeff: No… only if you wanted to.

Me: I don’t understand why guys like fake boobs. They aren’t real! Isn’t part of the appeal knowing these babies are home grown? The real McCoy! Why do you like a balloon filled with water? What’s so hot about that?

Jeff: It just is. It’s awesome.

Me: You’re feeling guilty because you can’t stop thinking about the pool boobs, aren’t you?

Jeff: Yes.

From that point on, I changed the subject, and it was like every time I asked Jeff a question, he’d just say “fake boobs” like he was a broken record – to annoy me.

Me: Have you read my latest blog post?

Jeff: Fake boobs.

Me: What’s for dinner?

Jeff: BBQ fake boobs.

Me: You’re being really annoying.

Jeff: You know, now that you’re getting your family used to your dirty blog where you drop the F-bomb and stuff, they’ll probably be alright with your fake boobs.

MAN, he had those torpedo tits on the mutherfucking brain!

My thoughts on augmentation (for me)

I know I look constipated, but my boobs just really hurt.

Ok, I get that having nice, voluptuous lady lumps looks good. I mean, who doesn’t want perky boobies for life? But when I look at girls like Heidi Montag from MTV’s “The Hills”, all I can think of is that those babies are going to burst like a water bed if too much pressure is applied! They just look uncomfortable and hard as a rock. No thanks!

If I was ever to get a boob job, it would simply be to remove them from my knees after having kids and put them back where they originally sprouted at age 13. But when I think of the pain, I conclude – that’s why they made the Wonder Bra! I’m down with the faux lift!

Right now, Jeff is sleeping on the couch, probably dreaming about those tan line free jugs. But I don’t really care – because I’m bought and paid for. Jeff’s stuck with me and my modest Cs for life.

Suck it up El Jefe!

Have you ever thought about getting a boob job? And if you have already, do you recommend it?! 😉

8 Comments on Why do men LOVE fake boobies?

  1. I just wonder what the long term effects are….that’s what scares me. I can’t judge b/c i don’t know how i’ll feel after having kids……but maybe there isn’t anything wrong with a new pair of nice C’s to make you feel more womanly….but people just go overboard. And, I agree, how can guys think that HUGE, fake triple D’s look good? It’s ridiculous! I stare b/c I’m in awe of what they have done, not b/c they look good!

  2. I know, I don’t want any National Geographic tatas when I’m 35, that for reals. I’m not hating on fake boobies, it just eludes me why the big giant melons get so much attention from the dudes. If I ever got fakies, I’d totally go for small ones so it was proportionate! And again, only if I had Nat’l Geos goin on after kiddies!

  3. Let me just first say most men wouldn’t mind if their wives/girlfriends got a boob job. However, I will not. Why play into our societies obsession with looks? What ever happen to “It’s what’s in the inside that really counts”. So many women have had procedure after procedure they truly look like Barbie. Love the body you were given and tell the men in your life to suck it up!

  4. You are the reason why any man reading this will never get married. You say you don’t care cause “you are bought and paid for”. What a pleasant take on marriage you have. Just like all women, dream of marriage, the day they can stop pleasing their men. I know now why women obsess about marriage and weddings. It’s the day they can get fat, stop wearing bras, never have to give another bj. Marriage is the ultimate scam. I feel sorry for your husband. Well atleast you know he dreams of other women everyday instead of you. And the only thing keeping you together is the paper you signed on your wedding “scam” day.

  5. You sound very bitter, Every Man. Sorry not sorry that your life ended up this way. Bye

  6. Hey Courtney, I don’t even know how I ended up in your blog. But I might as well post a reply to this issue that feels way to close to me and my wife. I feel very attracted to big boobs, I just can’t help it…. the day I met my wife I fell for her smile and lots of other things I love from her, and since women are MORE than just boobs, I decided I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. Yet the issue remains… I will forever be a big boob lover and as time passes on I begin wishing she would make this great dream of mine come true. I will talk to you as frankly as I would like to talk to my wife, only because I’m not risking anything and, who knows, maybe this is what your husband would like to tell you: DONT EVER underestimate the power of sexual fantasy in a mans life. You can pretend it will just “go away”but I assure you it wont. There are 2 choices, one is to consider this something immature from him and just ignore it alltogether. Chances are he will feel a bit more frustrated every day and will have to fight against his desire with impredictible results on your relationship. The other choice is just GO for it. It’s your body and your choice, but if he is a true tit lover like he sounds.. he will repay you in sheer happiness in every way you can think of. I know I would! Does it sound superficial? maybe… but life is short and we all are moved and driven by our passions. Why not make them work FOR you instead of AGAINST you? Just my thoght.

  7. Mmm… I don’t mind if women have fake boobs, as long as they are not overly big. I believe that there are those who are perfect without fake boobs, and those who look great with a little… help. I love curves, that part I can’t help. But like Pablo says, despite having an attraction and fascination for curves, such as fake boobs, But I also find that a woman with a lovely smile, personality that makes you want to spend time with her… nothing is better than that. If my woman is happy with her looks, then I am happy. If she feels she wants to add something to feel like she has better curves, feel more attractive, who am I to argue on that. We humans are funny that way I suppose.

    Sexy curves, does something to both men and women. Human nature I think is an appropriate term.

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