My anxiety over going back to work in TWO WEEKS is getting worse with each passing day. I don’t know where the hell the time has gone, but not too long ago 4 months of maternity leave sounded like an eternity. And now it’s coming to an end. *WAAAH* I know this sounds so cheesy, but my heart literally hurts when I think about leaving little Annabelle for 9-10 hours a day when I return to work. I try to put the thought out of my mind, but the date is coming fast and furious. *rubs face*

Thus, this is the dilemma that every mom must face – to go back to work or quit their job.

My problem is that I want both worlds. I hate this feeling of an end in sight…like this special little time in our lives is coming to a close. When my mind goes to these deep, dark places – I wanna kiss corporate America goodbye and trade smiley faces with my baby all day.

Are you gonna miss me, mama?
I think about what our days would be like if I was a stay at home mom (SAHM). The highlights of my days would be going to the gym – which it is now. Aside from the gym, each day would include one task, like going to the grocery store for dish soup or some other mundane item, which I do now. I’d watch Hoda & Kathie Lee at 10am and Access Hollywood at noon. I’d be in a mom’s group, which I am now. And I’d spend the rest of my time strolling around my local shopping Mecca and blowing money I no longer make. The major plus side to this scenario is that I get to spend all my time with my Annie B. I won’t miss anything. There will be no daycare lady telling me how my baby rolled over or crawled for the first time – I’ll see it with my own two eyes. This sounds so nice.

But I also think about how not working would personally affect me. I feel like having my own career and continuing to challenge myself and grow new skills gives me confidence. I come home and instead of it being a one-way conversation about work — like it is right now with my husband — I have my own stories to tell. I enjoy the social time I have at work with people who have become friends in addition to coworkers. And of course, it’s nice to have a reason to get dressed up every day and flat iron my hair.

Truth be told, I feel like I’ve lost a little bit of myself since having a baby. All I think or care about is my baby. Since I don’t do anything besides play with Annabelle, watch TV, work out, and go to a mom’s group; all I talk about is my baby. And to be honest, I need some more going on in my life. That might sound bad to say but it’s true. So in that regard, going back to work will be good for me. But I still hate the idea of it.

We'll get through it, mama!
I guess this is just part of being a mom. It’s never going to be perfect. You’re either working and feeling guilty and missing your baby. Or you’re spending all your days in babyland and yearning for a little more adult interaction and ‘me’ time. Like I said; I want the best of both worlds. Luckily, I’m only working part time for the rest of November and December, returning to full-time in January. So I have time to ease into it. I can be a working girl Tuesday through Thursday and a SAHM on Mondays and Fridays. This sounds good enough to me for now. But there’s no two ways about it; that first day back to work is going to suuuuuuck. My husband is going to have to pull me away from daycare kicking and screaming. I don’t even want to think about it anymore.  It’s so depressing. *WAAAAAHHHH*

14 Comments on Could I really be a stay at home mom?

  1. I think about your situation all the time and I don’t even have a baby yet. I think you are right in saying it is never going to be perfect. Best of luck going back to work and your baby is adorable!

  2. You’ve got to go back Courtney! Obvy I have no idea how it feels to leave a sweet baby….but I know that you need to work…..and so do you. I vote 3 days a week, that would be perfect if you could keep it that way!

  3. Why not! It is less stressful when you are a stay at home mom, no mental baggage on how was the kid doing or having to clean the house. You have all the time to manage when you are at home and the most beneficial of all is that you can give your utmost time to your family.

  4. I think working part time gives you the best of both worlds. I bawled my eyes out the night before I went back to work with my first. To my surprise, that first day was a blast and felt great to be back and talking with people again. I am also lucky in the sense that I am not the drop off person, which helps. My husband drops off and I pick up!

    I would be bored to tears staying home all day everyday with the kids. (my husband doens’t get home until 8:30 at night…so that’s a long day solo with people who don’t talk. lol) Work is my social outlet. I have a lot of fun with my co-workers plus i get to workout at work! (major perk!)

    I also enjoy knowing my kids are getting great stimulation being at daycare. My kids only go 3 days per week to an in home. We have a great daycare family and they LOVE our kids and treats them like their own. Also very flexible with our schedules!

    I am now 32 hours per week. I love it! I think it’s good for the parents to get out and really appreciaite that time at home with the kids.

    Good luck going back!

  5. I know exactly how you feel because that’s how I felt. I did cry all day the first day back at work. I couldn’t talk to anyone otherwise I would bust out crying…I couldn’t even answer the phone. When I went to pick up your brother, the inhome day care lady told me DON’T BRING HIM BACK…HE WAS WAY TOO DEMANDING. Haha that was my out. I immediately told my boss I had to work part time…which I did and it was so much better. I finally eased back into full time…but it was only after all the fun stuff was over…first steps, saying mama, crawling…etc. You’ll be fine and your heart will mend. It’s always great when you find someone who takes a special liking to your baby. The ladies at the Owassa day care used to fight over who got you…they met me at the door!! I vote part time!!

    Love, Mom

  6. I totally feel you right now! Tuesday was my first day back, and the dread that I felt in the week leading up was the worst. I never ever thought I would even consider being a SAHM, but it’s funny how things change. It was awkward being back that first day, and I cried in my car at lunch, but it has definitely gotten easier every day. Good luck!!

  7. Oh it’s good to hear that it’s gotten easier for you each day, Alison! I hope that’s the case for me!

  8. Sounds like it’s working out well, Stephanie! I hope I’m like you and actually enjoy my work time vs. crying my eyes out and feeling guilty all day. Crossing my fingers!

  9. I know exactly how you feel because that’s how I felt. I did cry all day the first day back at work. I couldn’t talk to anyone otherwise I would bust out crying… | 😛

  10. Being a stay at home mom is not the most low moral and inferior phase of a mom’s life not unless you will not be productive though you stay in the house. Don’t make household chores your career but do some business or work or any income generating task that when a friend will ask you where are you connected then you can say with pride that you are a stay at home mom and financially stable since you have a business or you work online and that is me too.

  11. Ya, that’s what I would try to do, cheradelz. I’d def have some sort of online biz that gives me something to do and makes a little money. I’m ALWAYS thinking about the possibilities…!! 😉

  12. It was awkward being back that first day, and I cried in my car at lunch, but it has definitely gotten easier every day. Good luck!! | 😛

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