The time has come; I go back to work on Thursday. The initial maternity leave phase of motherhood is coming to a close and it’s now the next phase of my life – becoming a working mom. I have mixed emotions about going to work. Part of me is looking forward to getting a bit of my old self back, meaning the confidence that working brings me. I also see it as social time and less as work right now. Because let’s be honest; being a stay at home mom can be pretty socially isolating. But more so I’m just really sad about leaving Annabelle and anxiety ridden about how she’ll do in daycare all day – especially since she’s still not good on a bottle. Do you remember when she went on a bottle strike at 10 weeks? Yep, she still hates the bottle. I guess the daycare lady and Annabelle are going to have a battle of the wills when it’s bottle time. And I really, REALLY hope daycare lady wins! I’m just going to be biting my nails off staring at the clock when it’s a feeding time wondering who’s winning that damn battle every 3 hours. Ugh. I’d feel SO much better about all of this if that was a non issue.
Today in my mom’s group, our facilitator told us that we need to prepare in the evenings for the next day of daycare, like washing and making new bottles, packing diapers, wipes, two changes of clothes, my own lunch – oh and, she said we need to start showering at night and laying out our clothes the night before too. Dang! I won’t have any time to enjoy her at night after work because I’ll just be prepping for her next day at daycare and my next day at work! Ahh….I remember the days where I’d come home and spend 3 hours leisurely blogging at night and watching American Idol and Dancing with the Stars. Life is so different now.
People say the hardest part about returning to work is that first day. Everyone has said that I will be crying in the parking lot and to not even bother with makeup until after I drop off my baby. God, why does this have to be such torture for moms?? But I do hear it gets easier with each passing day. Let’s hope that’s true. You’ll be hearing about how it all goes soon! Luckily, I’m only working one day this week so it’s like dipping a toe in and pulling it back out before I have to feel the burn too long. And then it’s 3 days a week starting next week. My mother-in-law tried to comfort me by saying she thinks I’ll be an even better wife and mom with my return to work. With me getting a slice of life outside of motherhood it’ll only make me appreciate my time with my family that much more. I think she’s right.
Purging and moving on
I finally cleaned out my walk-in closet this past weekend and put away all my maternity clothes and organized my pile of ill fitting shoes (yes, my feet grew with pregnancy, ARGHH!!). I can see my floor again! I had this strange feeling in my stomach after putting those maternity clothes away. It was as if I was closing the chapter on my pregnancy and new motherhood and I felt a bit melancholy about it. But I’m ready to move on to this next phase and embrace whatever life and motherhood brings. My baby girl is getting big and it’s time for mama to go back to work. I’ll always remember and cherish these first few months with Annabelle as they were so incredibly special to me. And I’m excited for what’s to come and to see her thrive in a new setting. Millions of moms do this every day and I know I can too. *Deep breath*