Today on my train ride home from work we had to stop for an extended period of time because we had “police action” in the actual train car I was in. Some jerk off was listening to his music extremely load — sans head phones. Rap music blaring from a cell phone is off the chain obnoxious. If nothing else, the sound quality just murders a perfectly good Biggie Smalls song circa 1997. On top of that, he was bullying a passenger and he smelled like a big ole pile of skunky pot. The dude needed to go. But when the cop tried to take care of things calmly the guy had to sit there and stand his ground throwing F-bombs all over the place. DAMN IT! As this is going on, I’m just sitting there stirring…boobs cramping. I needed to get home to my baby ASAP! I wanted to say: Hey punk, stop wreaking havoc on my train – my boobs hurt!!               

Weaning is hard on the boobies

This week I cut out my last pumping session of the work day, so I am now officially pump-free. Halle-FREAKING-lujah!! But you know what that means? By the end of the work day my boobs are killlllllen me!

I’m starting the weaning procecss a little more aggressively than I have been doing. I feel like I’ve been slowly weaning, cutting back on nursing/pumping since January, but now I’m trying to get down to just morning/night nursing sessions for a while before I officially stop. Idk, I could stop in a month or maybe slowly phase out the final 2 sessions by 12 months. I just don’t wanna be tied to it forever and ever. Little girlfriend is almost 9 months old and she practically has a full set of teeth (4 top, 4 bottom!) that can sometimes hurt the mama! Originally I had only planned to nurse for 6 months, so I feel good that I’ve gone this long. Anything after 6 months to me is just gravy… icing on the cake.

But gosh dang it, I feel freaking sad about it.

It’s understandable, right? I mean, nursing has been one of the most consistent things I’ve done in the last 9 months — more than showering, brushing my teeth, and eating! The only thing I’ve done more than nurse is going to the freaking bathroom!!! It’s weird to not do it like I used to, and to eventually not do it at all. I’ll miss the closeness that nursing brings with Annabelle the most. At her age, she wants independence. She doesn’t want to be curled up to mama in a cradled position. But when I feed her, she’s just as much my little baby now as she was 6-9 months ago. She often falls asleep in my arms and looks so angelic in sleep, that I just sit there and hold her instead of putting her to bed like I should!

As much as I’m relieved to not be pumping at work anymore, I even somehow miss midday pumps. I miss the “me” time while at work. I read the entire Hunger Games trilogy while pumping! I miss bringing home milkies for my baby to take to “school” the next day. I miss it all, even though I’m still nursing about 3 times a day.

Courtney, get over yourself

Essentially, I just need to get over myself. This is way harder on me than I think it’ll be on Annabelle when we finally stop. Some may say I should just keep on going if I feel this way…if I’m not ready. But really, am I ever going to be ready? To me, I guess it kind of means that Annabelle is growing up and soon she won’t be considered a baby anymore. I don’t plan to nurse a toddler, so I might as well get the process going. This way I can wean slowly and still close up the milk shop by one year.

The one silver lining about weaning totally is that I’ll FINALLY get to enjoy more than 1-2 cocktails in a sitting. I can get drunk for the first time in a year and a half! Whahoo! Holy hangover!

Any good weaning tips from mamas out there?

2 Comments on I need to stop being such a baby about weaning my breastfed baby

  1. I stopped breastfeeding my baby when he was 2 months old. I regret it sometimes because of the bonding time…
    I have a question for you Courtney, if you aren’t so sure about weaning Annabelle yet then why not continue breastfeeding until she weans herself? She is only 9 months after all. She might wean a little after a year and that way maybe you won’t feel like this 😀

    Just a thought… good luck 😀

  2. I’ve been sort of asking myself the same question, Monica. I think part of me might be a little afraid that she may NOT wean herself, but rather just continue to nurse and then when mama wants to wean when she’s past one, she might get upset and frustrated because she still wants it. I guess I feel like if I slowly wean now her awareness level isn’t the same as it will be in a few more months and maybe she’ll just forget that we’re not nursing anymore! I don’t know. I just don’t see myself nursing beyond a year so I don’t want to have to break a habit later if it’s only going to be harder, make sense? I’ve definitely nursed longer than I ever planned to, so I feel ok if we start a slow weaning process now.

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