speed dating for momsToday we ventured out to our first library story time so that Annabelle could enjoy a fun change of scenery and so I could meet some potential new girlfriends. As we sat down to watch the cooky library guy do all these silly made up songs and read a couple books, I found myself scanning the room for a friend. I was thinking, hmm… too old, might be the grandma, um… too hippy-ish, we’d have nothing to talk about… and then I’d see a cute mom and I’d zero in on her, watching her from across the room. It’s like I’m a freaking DUDE…eyin’ the pretty lady, waiting for the right moment to make my move.

Meeting friends used to be sort of an organic experience that happened from working together, going to school, etc. But as a SAHM, it’s like you have to meet people on the fly and hope to see them again sometime. It’s pretty much like speed dating. You might attend a mommy/baby class and strike up a nice conversation with another mom, and then you go back 3 weeks in a row to the same class and they aren’t there. So it’s hard to really connect with people.

There have been a few times over the course of the last year and a half where I’ve met other moms with a child Annabelle’s age and we struck up a nice convo, exchanged emails or connected on Facebook, but it never took off from there. It’s like we had a failure to launch a real friendship because we only had that one time to connect. It’s frustrating!

I almost wouldn’t mind going to an actual speed dating event for moms. Or maybe a mom conference where they have booths set up for “moms who like Sauvignon Blanc”, or “moms who like Twilight”, or something like that. Then you could easily weed out the hippies and just meet the ones you know you’re going to have something in common with. That makes me sound super picky and like I want friends just like me, but obvy I want to start off with a common ground. Plus, I want fast friends, I don’t want to have to pursue mom friends over weeks and weeks on end.

When I was on maternity leave with Annabelle, I joined a mom’s group and was able to make a couple really close friends, and a lot of nice mom acquaintances, which was great. We’d meet every Tuesday and it was something I looked forward to every week. I remember one of my now good friends saying she went to the Moneyball premiere in Oakland by herself so she could catch a glimpse of Brad Pitt, and with that, I knew we were going to be fast friends coz I would totally do that, too! I need to find more mom friends like this!

So I’m definitely planning to join another mom’s group so I can hopefully meet other cool moms. I’m sort of slow moving on getting my SAHM act together, but I’m getting there. I’m sure at the one month mark I’ll be feeling like I’m finally getting the hang of this thing — I’ve got two more weeks!

If you’ve had success meeting other mom friends, what has been the best venue for you; mom’s groups, library story times, classes, parks, etc.?

2 Comments on Meeting new mom friends is sort of like speed dating

  1. I have a 16 mo and have read your blog since he was 3 months! I can relate to you on so many of your posts! I think it is so so hard to meet new mom friends that you feel like you can really click with. You really hit the nail on the head when you mentioned you connect once and then never again! It is so frustrating, esp in the beginning when you are desperate for new friends! I ended up meeting my closest friends at a “baby gym” called Gymboree. In my moms group..I made one or two friends but I noticed that little groups formed with in the group..you could tell who got along with whom better. I could totally relate to you when you said you would go for the mom in the cute outfit. Cracks me up I was the same way! I always thought well if she dresses stylish and shes young then we will totally be BFFs! The best thing is when your non mom friends get pregnant..and your old coworkers get pregnant..instant mom friends now! That just started to happen to me and I couldn’t be happier! After making tons of new mom friends I’ve found that only 1 or 2 are true friends that will stick around for a long time. A few of the women I met that I thought would be my greatest friend have already pretty much disappeared. It started to hurt my feelings when they wouldn’t respond to me if I wanted to plan a lunch play date or meet at the park. Like why don’t they want to hang out with me and my kid anymore!? What did I do wrong? Felt like I was dating again. Ha!
    I just realized I don’t need 20 friends that are moms like myself. I think if you can find even one true, non flakey, normal, fun and genuine mom friend you’ve done a great job! There are a lot of them out there. Good luck!

    Places to make new cool mom friends! 😉
    Gymboree
    Kindermusik
    MOPS
    Parents as Teachers
    Local Play Groups

  2. Thanks for the tip on where to meet new moms, Becca! I totally agree with you, I don’t need to have 20 friends, just a couple good ones to interact with once or twice a week would be great! And I hear you on “non flakey” friends. That is the WORST quality in a friend. Can’t stand last minute cancellations all the time! Ugh!

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