One of the nice things about blogging my pregnancies is that I can look back on how I was feeling the last time I was at this stage in pregnancy and compare notes. Was I in good spirits, in pain, ready to get the baby out? So this past weekend I hit up the old blog archives and looked up my 31 week blog post to see how ole girl was feeling back then. And I was relieved to see that I was literally in the exact same spot emotionally. I was feeling a bit down then, too, and questioning how much of my emotional state was due to life stresses or just those wacky third trimester hormones I heard about. It was probably both, and I’m assuming it’s the same for me now, but I can’t help but fear this is a prelude to the baby blues once my little guy arrives. I seriously hope not!
I heard an interesting piece of advice recently that said you shouldn’t make any major life decisions when you’re pregnant because of your unpredictable emotions. I probably shouldn’t even mention that Kris Jenner said this on a recent episode of the Kardashians, but nonetheless, it struck a chord with me. I definitely made a MAJOR life change in our decision to move from California to Indiana and I’m not gonna lie; the transition has been pretty hard for me. Once I stopped working and became a stay at home mom I had this feeling like I was standing still and no longer moving forward. I didn’t have the career that made me feel important and like an independent woman, and so in a way, the idea of moving gave me a physical feeling of moving on with my life and having a fresh start. Fast forward several months and here we are in Indianapolis, with that fresh start I wanted.
The problem is; it doesn’t feel exactly as I had envisioned my “fresh start” would feel. I miss the familiarity of my old lifestyle, my old routine, friends, etc. I think stability, consistency, and familiarity just feels very safe when you’re pregnant, so that is something I’m struggling with now, the lack of familiarity as I draw so close to becoming a family of four. I’m probably the classic case of not realizing what I had until I let it all go. Don’t get me wrong, it’s great being closer to my family and some of my old college friends, but one thing I hadn’t considered is what it would be like moving to a new state and being a stay at home mom. I’ve always moved somewhere and started a new job and made coworker friends rather quickly. So being a SAHM in a new place has been very isolating. The thing that frustrates me is that it’s 100% up to me to get myself out there and join some moms groups and meet new people, but I feel like I’ve just been hanging around home and moping around. I don’t know what is holding me back from just starting my new life here. I’ve felt like a major Debbie Downer and this just isn’t me. It’s a helpless feeling to feel this way, too, because I’ve always been such a positive, outgoing person. I miss the old me!
I did recently join a local moms group and have my first meet up on Thursday night – a mom’s night out! I really, really hope this will be a great way to keep myself busy and to meet new people and start building a network here. Wish me luck that I make some new friends, preferably ones that have access to a pool.
Now that we’re approaching the two month mark of living in Indy I think it’s time to make the best of my situation and let my California life go. Jeff loves being back in Indy and Annabelle is as happy as a clam in her spacious new house and backyard, so I gotta get with the program. I know in time Indy will grow on me and this will soon feel like home, too. I think what it boils down to is that I just need a nice pool with a tiki bar and three hours of child care that I can go to a few days a week and read Us Weekly while sipping on a marg. In a nutshell, that would bring back all my California happiness. *Shrugs shoulders* The truth is out.