postpartum_mom_by_secret_agent_josephineAlright, shits about to get real here. I’m 12 months postpartum and I still look freaking 3 months pregnant. Can I even still call myself postpartum? I don’t know if my mom is still considered “postpartum”, but she still blames her baby bump on me and I’m 34. So I guess moms can continue to blame our chub on our adult babies way far into the future, so that’s good, I guess. But ultimately, I hope to not have a baby bump at 60, just like I hope to not have a baby bump at 34 1/2. But I do, so that sucks.

This topic is a painful repeat from 2 years ago where I blogged; “Why do I still look 3 months pregnant 7 months postpartum?”  Yes, history has repeated itself.

Alright, so I went on this bigass diet and exercise regimen in January and lost about 23 lbs. in 5 months, just in time for my trip to Key West — YAY ME! But since my trip, I may or may not have let a few pounds creep back on. My weight fluctuates so much, one week I’m up and the next I’m down. But what really perplexes me is why my body looks totally different after baby #2 than it did after baby #1. I lost all my baby weight plus a couple additional pounds after Annabelle by 8 1/2 months postpartum and I never felt better. I remember buying a turquoise bikini and my husband sweatin’ me like I was some new chick! I felt awesome and it was empowering to feel like my body could go all the way there; have a baby, gain 57 lbs., and shrink back to great shape (for me) in less than a year.

Is five pounds really that noticeable?

So please tell me why I’m only like 5-7 lbs. heavier than my skinniest weight after Annabelle, yet I totally look like I’m pregs? The other day I caught myself rubbing my baby bump and I worried that someone might see me and ask me when I was due. There was a point where I actually started thinking I was pregnant because my bump wouldn’t quit and I started faking other pregnancy symptoms trying to make it true so I didn’t have to take responsibility for my squishy body. I don’t get it. I work out pretty religiously about 4 days per week, I’m still nursing, albeit, I’m slowly weaning, but isn’t there that extra calorie burn from nursing?? I’ve heard I may lose weight once I stop nursing because it does keep on an extra spare tire of fat to aid in milk production, but I think that’s just wishful thinking, to be honest. But I’m still holding out hope, you know, like Jim Carrey says in Dumb & Dumber; “So you’re sayin’ there’s a chaaaance!!”

I grapple with whether I need to jump back on Weight Watchers to kill off these extra 5 lbs., but truthfully, I don’t freaking wanna. I’m tired of counting points. I’m tired of being strict with my diet. Cindy Crawford had good advice in a recent Us Weekly article where she said; “Pick a weight that you can maintain and stay there. Don’t pick your skinniest weight because that’s not maintainable. And yo-yo dieting is not good for the elasticity of your skin. Just try to stay within 5 lbs. of your weight.”

I need to decide if I’d rather be really fit and uber confident or a couple pounds heavier and just enjoy life. For right now I’m just enjoying life with a mom body. I have total mom body going on. I used to be vein and like; hellz no I’m not gonna be caught dead with fat rolls in a bathing suit, but now I’m all; I’ve got two babies and my body didn’t retract as well the second time after pregnancy, so whatthefuckever.

I know it’s possible to continue my weekly consumption of Chili’s chips, salsa, and ranch and Mexican food while losing weight, because I’ve done it before on WW. I mean, I cannot live without enchiladas and guacamole, ya know? I just need to curb mid-week eating to balance it out. Five pounds just seems so trivial, it should be easy to lose. If only it didn’t look like a first trimester bump while I drown in my lack of motivation here.

I felt a kinship the other day with Jennifer Garner when she was on Ellen discussing her permanent baby bump and how after 3 children it was here to stay. I was all; Thank you, J. Gar! Love that you’re keeping it real with the real mamas of the world. Hey, we mamas should really stand tall with our bumps and declare that we’re proud of what our amazing bodies can do in creating life!!! Right?!? Obviously way easier said than done, but I feel all feminist saying the aforementioned sentence, even if the truth is that I’m more annoyed at said body’s inability to deflate back to its original form, but whatever. I’m vein, like I said…



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