In my last blog post I promised I’d be more consistent with blogging the last couple months of pregnancy. But for some reason that promise has been hard to keep. I have plenty of time to blog, but I find ways to busy myself most days. And then I’m just too tired at night to start a post. Please forgive me, I know you all have been DYING for a bumpdate, LOL! There’s a lot I want to update you on, but right now I just need a little vent session. I received a very rude comment from a stranger about my size recently, so I felt like it was time for another Public Service Announcement… So here you go; Things You Should NEVER Say To A Pregnant Woman…
I haven’t experienced too many unfortunate comments about my size this pregnancy. But I’ve certainly had my share of insensitive comments in the past that stuck in my brain. I’m amazed people still think it’s OK to comment on a pregnant woman’s size. In particular, if it’s to point out a preggo’s huge belly, weight gain, and the like.
Avoid saying these things…
When I was pregnant with my daughter I had this old bus driver on my work commute that loved to make jokes about my size. I gave him grace because he was old and he thought he was just being funny. But there were times I wanted to yell STFU Ya Old FART!!! I chronicled things he said to me in my pregnant blogs back then because, let’s be honest, there was some entertainment value there. A couple one liners that come to mind was when he asked me if they call me BIG MAMA in my neighborhood?! Or, “is your last name Anyminute? Coz you look like you’re due ANY MINUTE AHAHAHA!” I’d be like…. ha ha ha (fake laugh, slow clap), I’m only 7 months pregnant.
Or how about when you’re 8-9 months pregnant and people ask you how much weight you’ve gained this pregnancy? Would you DARE ask an overweight girl how much weight she’s gained in the last several months? NO!!! Just because a girl is pregnant doesn’t mean she’s still not A GIRL! Most girls are sensitive about their weight, no matter what. So it’s generally a good rule of thumb to avoid this question. And honestly, what purpose does it serve other than to judge her or compare her to your own pregnancy?
There are exceptions to this rule which may seem unfair, but again, you should really just avoid this question all together. If someone asks me how much I’ve gained and I know they gained about the same or more than me when they were pregnant, then I’m OK sharing that information. Because we are commiserating about the growing pains – literally – of pregnancy. But if I know you were skinny pregnant; hardly gained any weight, and snapped back to pre-pregnancy weight 5 days after birth, don’t ask! I don’t know why you’re asking other than to judge my gluttonous pregnant ways!!
Fast forward to present day and I have had a few awkward moments where people mindlessly made comments. Let me first say that I do not believe people mean any harm with their comments. I think they probably just feel like they’re talking about the size of the baby in my belly, not ME. As if I have no control over it. But we do have some control over it, let’s be honest. All those McDonald’s drive thru trips and countless cookies and desserts over the last 9 months could mean the difference between a 7 lb baby and a 9 lb baby!!
Back when I was about 26 weeks pregnant a gal asked how far along I was and when I told her she said; “Oh really, are you sure there’s not two in there?!” I’m like; “Ya, pretty sure there’s just one.” The crazy thing is that I was still on the skinny pregnant side back then!!! Hmph!
Last week I walked up to the counter at the UPS Store to drop off a package. To my shock, the lady working says to me…
UPS worker: “Were you due like 3 months ago or what?”
Me: <Stunned face> “Well that wasn’t very nice!”
I looked over to the surprised customer at the other register and she says to me; “I didn’t even know you were pregnant since you’re holding your coat!”
UPS Worker: (back peddling) “Well ya I mean, you’re all baby…”
Me: “I’m all baby, except that I look like I was due 3 months ago…”
UPS Worker: “I was just kidding….”
I wanted to ask her if she’s ever been pregnant, but then she added that she knew what it was like because she had twins! I’m thinking to myself; well then she probably was on the larger side so she likely endured lots of annoying comments about her size from people. She should know better!!
She ended up offering me a 15% discount for her “rude comment” as she put it. I couldn’t get out of there fast enough because I knew what was about to happen. STUPID, IDIOTIC, UNWELCOMED TEARS! Ugh, I so didn’t want to cry over her comment, but I couldn’t help myself — I’m hormonal and super sensitive during pregnancy. I called my mom to tell her what happened and tears were streaming down my face. The more I tried not to cry the more tears came. I was so mad at myself! I’ve put a major focus on having a fit pregnancy and looking and feeling my best, so her comment didn’t make me question my appearance. In a way I felt like I was crying for all the insensitive comments that every pregnant girl has had to endure during pregnancy. Plus maybe I was feeling a tad sorry for myself!
So ya, it’s best to not say anything about a woman’s weight – pregnant or not! If you must comment, I’ve supplied you with a list of acceptable size references you can make that will never offend…
What to say to a pregnant woman:
“You look fabulous!”
“Wow, you’re so cute and tiny — all baby!”
“From behind you don’t even look pregnant!”
“Pregnancy suits you!”
“What’s your secret to looking so good in pregnancy?!”
As a reminder of what NOT to say…
“Hey BIG MAMA, do they call you BIG MAMA in your neighborhood?”
“Wow, you look like you’re about to burst!”
“Oh dear, you look miserable!”
“You still have 10 weeks to go?!?!” <stunned face>
“Hey Anyminute, you look like you’re due any minute!”
“So…how much weight have you gained?!”
“Are you sure you’re not having twins?!”
So there you have it, my PSA of what to say and not to say is out there. I wrote a PSA back in 2011 (5 Things you NEVER say to a pregnant girl) but apparently not everyone read it or remembers the important sticking points, so I felt like an updated reminder was needed! I’m hoping I can get one more pregnancy blog up before baby, but we are at T minus 8 days until my due date, so we shall see!
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